Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Always a Hit!

Mocking the new TV shows:

These are the names of real shows, possibly the real actors in them, and definately not the real description.

"Commander-in-Chief" Geena Davis stars as president of the US. Oh. Wait. That one is real.

"Freddie" Freddie Prinze Jr. stars as a bathroom attendant for a Columbus, IN, banquet hall.

"Invasion" A hapless troupe of Lichtensteinians move to the US, intent on invading Ohio for the King. What happens when they rent half of a duplex from a retired Fleet Admiral who is also the full-time assistant Chief of Police to the inept, politically appointed, part-time Chief Gomer Pyle? Tune in this fall to find out!

"Hot Properties" Mike Dench, heating and cooling specialist who has never left Perth Amboy, inherits his uncle's HVAC business in Hollywood. Along with a furnace full of trouble! Mike can't help but stumble across crime. Watch as he ices the bad guys!

"Kolchak: The Night Stalker" Animated children's series about little Kolchak, a stalk of corn. And boy did he break the mold when he germinated! Unlike most growing cornstalks, he despises the sunlight and is always getting into trouble fooling around after dark. Watch as he grows up and learns life's lessons on a farm in the outskirts of Bucharest.

"Just Legal" The Olsen twins star as tough as nails vice cops entrapping dirty old men over the internet.

"Twins" Spinoff of above. A dirty old man cruises the internet looking for young girls. He's caught, tried, convicted and locked up for life. Now he's the Hannibal Lechter-esque advisor to the Olsen twins, and prison snitch. Starring the corpse of Rod Steiger as Warden Crimler and Brad Garret as Cooter.

"Modern Men" Hilarity ensues when a trio of 29-something New York metrosexuals move to small town south Texas to open a day spa. Of course, in Alabama the Tuscaloosa, but that is entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about.

"Be Young" (Lifetime) Watch and weep as single mom and doctor Barb Young struggles as a Miami plastic surgeon durning the day, and a volunteer grief counsellor to the elderly at local nursing homes by night. And a Habitat for Humanity volunteer on the weekends. Watch as she struggles with this and an ongoing divorce battle with her estranged bastard husband. Husband played by that dude who played the Emperor from Star Wars.

"Related" Longtime married couple realize they're actually first cousins. But that's not all- their two teenage children (Adam and Eve) are dating a set of fraternal twins whose dad is the local prosecuter who is intent on prosecuting them for incest.

"Supernatural" Julie Haggarty runs a GNC franchise that is haunted by Jack Lellane and a recently deceased 17 year old crack dealer from Detroit. If laughter is the best medicine, you probably won't die watching this hilarious show!

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